i'm trying to be happy. i really am. but so far, all i've done is to drown myself in self pity and think bad thoughts. i'm getting praning. every move, every word, i take it all in and make my own bullshit theories. i have succumb to being a tiny speck of pathetic crap. i never expected this to happen but hell, it's here. a big slap on the face--welcome to reality luu.. it's not all milk & honey, sometimes shit does happen. my frustrations are going up another notch and i'm trying to take everything seriously. maturely, more like.

rrr.... i need to see my hs friends. i know they'll be able to bring back the old me. nobody knows me the way you guys do.

i asked for a big change... well here it is. everything is coming back to me in one blow.
and i have no idea what to do.

i can't ask for help from the same people anymore. i've said too much.

this is pathetic. i'm pathetic...