regrets
it's the end of the year. this is where nostalgia comes and sometimes you just can't help but cry on 'what could have been'. every year, i never fail to do my ritual of drinking mule or cruiser and just plain reminisce on the year i just had. good thing i keep a blog (or the calendar in my phone for the half end of the year). the blog helps me remember. it makes me happy. it makes me cry. it makes me regret. reading my entries for this year really gave me nostalgia. a lot were written out of happiness. some while crying. and some where just out of randomness. but whatever i put there was all me. mostly for self-assurance with the hopes of helping myself. the real me and the fake me. (that report was full of crap). like what my friend said, 'learn to be numb. di ka ganyan dati. what the hell is happening to you?' ---seriously.. im asking myself the same question.

anyway, it's a new year. 2006 is now soo overrated. Saddam was executed. James brown and former US President Ford died. even Anna Nicole Smith's son died. Spears and K-Fed split up. Jolie-Pitt with the kids. and a whole lot more.. haha. seriously..

sure, i can keep on substantiating myself all the time--'past is past'. but it would be futile coz it's not exatly that easy. the past made me into this--into who i am right now. completely loveless. hahaha. (goodness, guys. the margarita just hit the spot) kidding. :p no hurries naman eh. hehe

i told myself once when i stepped into high school that i wont live a life full of regrets (after everything that has happened). it should be of pure acceptance. and that's what i did.. all spontainiety with limits and learning to say sorry to remove the guilt. but it's only until now that i've experienced the biggest regret. and thinking of that moment just triggers something. it's where depression starts to kick in. good thing i found away to lessen that feeling.. amazingly, it works.

my entry is sooo random again. maybe coz i'm just starting to pick up the peices but i haven't exactly put them together yet. so everything is a bit messed up for a while. everything takes time..

maybe, just maybe.. this year would mean something more.