i'm not holding back.

i'm not holding back.

i'm certain that i am not holding back.

for the past few weeks, i've had my share of troubles. may it be in school or my social life. but now i've been fairly fine.

B u t ..

i can't say that i'm contented. (yes, i take everything back) i'm fairly happy. i'm doing fairly in school (in most if not all) i'm fairly sleepy all the time. (so it's not counted as fairly anymore) anyhoot. fumble. rumble. grumble. (word of the day : fair - fairly)

troubles... they're not exactly called a dilemma unless i turn it into one, right? i mean, it's up to me if i want to turn it into a problem and always think about it during my idle time. so it all comes down to me.. the bearer of the weight. i guess i have this habit of turning petty things into big problems which in turn, would make my life more complicated than i've already made it to be. maybe i like complicated.. maybe complicated works for me.

it's just one of those days where a dozen realizations dawns on me and i can't help but think. think. think. that's when you see me shut up and turn to my music bubble to help shut the world out. shut. shut. la la la la la

rumble. grumble. fumble.

and at this moment.. i have just associated the topic of "finding your love" to the two most exciting subjects of our sem, PHYSICS and CHEM. ask Em. it all started with a theory about our constant... then one thing led to another... i should seriously go out. im turning into a dork. but hey, with everything i just said about those subjects, it would be a shame if i didn't get a good grade. seriously.

hmmmm..... everything is all at random in my head right now.. i'm floating, you see. it would take a while to get back on the ground.

there are so many things left unsaid between me and loads of people. somehow i just chicken out when the perfect time comes to talk. no matter how many lines i try to remember, i simply don't have the courage to say it. to tell them stuff that i don't normally say. things that i know would clear everything. simple sentences that can end the misery. i was given more than a dozen chances.. and i screwed up. yes, i blame my self.

the world is round. the chicken came before the egg. but in neutrality, the circle has no beginning or end.


they say my time is running out. that i should stop holding back even though i keep on saying that i'm not. that i have to stop waiting and start trying.

i'm not floating anymore. reality is starting to bite back and a band-aid is not enough to cover the marks. it needs something permanent. stitches--so it can leave a scar..to remind.

EMO. so what? it's been a while.